TYPING THE PEOPLE WE MET IN OUR TRAVELS, PART II
Belinda Gore, © 2005

Now that you have read the May newsletter and have considered your impressions of our B&B hosts, let’s compare your choices with John’s and mine.

Remember, the “method” we use is to:

• identify several behaviors that seem to stand out in the person we are typing,
• note what personal information has been shared in getting to know the person (recognizing that we tend to introduce ourselves with data that seem most important to our personality fixation), and
• pay attention to the person’s general appearance and demeanor.

AUDREY

We believe that Audrey is a Two.

1. When Audrey first emerged from her home to greet us, she was effusive, so excited to have us as her first American guests. As I wrote, “she came out to greet us with her arms open, ready to hug us but restraining herself.” Two’s love emotional exchanges and put out energy toward making connections.

1. Like a good Two, Audrey thought of everything that could make us comfortable and our stay with them enjoyable. “Everything we could need to be comfortable was readily supplied.” Two’s seem to instinctively know how to be helpful to others; Self-preservation Two’s are more tuned in to comfort needs while Social Two’s pick up on emotional needs, so each person’s instincts fit their own orientation to the world.

1. One of the ways Two’s take care of other people is to offer food and drink. She had invited us to join them upstairs for tea, even though all the tea-makings were easily available to us in the little kitchenette off the hallway connecting the two B&B suites downstairs. Not only did we have tea but a freshly made fig cake.

Later, when we arrived at what we thought was the appointed time to go out for dinner, Audrey had opened a lovely bottle of Sauvignon Blanc and set out hors d’oeuvres. Throughout our stay she made delicious food and always offered more and more treats.

1. Audrey was delighted to be invited to join us for dinner but wanted to be sure we did not feel obliged, as she did not want to intrude on our holiday. Two’s want to be included, to know that they are desired and desirable as the “Intimate Friend,” the social role with which Two’s identify. Her saying that she did not want to intrude was a bit coy, since it was clear that she dearly wanted to come but did not want us to think of her as intrusive. Two’s are very sensitive about this issue of how intimately they are part of another’s life.

1. Part of becoming more intimate with people is the sharing of personal stories. Audrey was eager to hear all about us and in return she told us all about her courtship and marriage to Rod, her family, her job as a customer service and sales person for a freight company in Auckland, and the move from big jobs in the city to the rolling hills and wild coast of Waipu. When we left the next afternoon, we felt as though we had known them for a long time. We did engage with her and so she wept a bit as we left the next day, indicating that the emotional bond had been established.

1. The photo we took upon saying goodbye showed Audrey smiling sweetly and snuggled into Rod’s shoulder. She was characteristically flirtatious with Rod and, as with many Two’s, was attractive and dressed to be attractive, in the service of gaining positive attention. John thought she was a bit over the top, but I found her fun and easy to be with, probably because I grew up with a type Two mother.

TE WEHEKA INN

John and I thought the Te Weheka Inn was essentially Three in character.

1. When John called to make a reservation for that evening, the price was higher than

we had been accustomed to paying and so John asked the owner for another recommendation. When he immediately offered a lower price, given that at the end of February the summer season was almost over and the prices everywhere would be going down, it seemed to me that he would rather lose part of the fee rather than lose our business entirely to another competitor. That is very Three in character.

1. We arrived at a large establishment with all the amenities we could want, but no one ever stopped to chat with us. Three’s can be very professional and in large cities that level of distance is more common. We were, however, in a tiny town of a couple of hundred people and had grown accustomed to having friendly talks with our hosts. No one was at all rude at the Te Weheka Inn, just busy doing their jobs, fulfilling their roles, being “The Best” accommodation in town, which is the social role for the Three.

3. The rooms were beautiful and luxurious. There was a huge lounge where guests could enjoy a collection of lovely art, a great library, email access, and in the late afternoon a wine tasting. When I showed up to do my email about an hour after the wine tasting, the room was still full of guests and about a dozen bottles of high quality local wine. Everything was oriented toward presenting a high-quality image which is characteristic for Three’s. As I wrote, “It was all beautiful image but not much substance.”

1. Everyone at the early evening wine tasting was very well-dressed and talking about being in the country on business trips or for someone’s wedding. Probably because I am a Three I noticed how they were well dressed by comparison to me (I was in my nylon hiking pants and T-shirt). The conversation reminded me of cocktail parties where people are making small talk and revealing bits of information about themselves without showing much emotion. All very Three in nature. My thought was that a type Three inn would be attractive to guests who were type Three or to the Three in anyone.

1. While I really enjoyed soaking in a bathtub after a strenuous hike and we slept quietly after the previous night in a motel with cardboard walls (and a neighbor who snored loudly), we do not have any fond memories of Te Weheka Inn. People may admire Three’s but do not have warm feeling toward them unless the type Three individuals have learned to open their Heart centers and allow others to really know them.

JARED

We believe that Jared has a fairly healthy type Nine personality.

1. He was tall, easy-going, a little self-conscious, never rushed. That easiness about him gave us our first impression that he might be a Nine.

1. Jared genuinely enjoyed working in a natural setting and loved the area around the Abel Tasman National Park which he knew so well because his grandfather had often brought him there on fishing trips. Nine’s find the inner peace and stability they long for in Nature and do well working in environments that allow them regular access to it.

1. In his unassuming way would tell us stories about a particular cove or beach as we were visiting it. Nine’s like to feel a deep sense of belonging and having stories, his grandfather’s stories, about the area seemed to be a way that Jared could relate to his environment as a large extended family.

1. When we stopped mid-morning for tea and gingerbread, I thought about how Nine’s like their creature comforts but in a low-key fashion. Later when we stopped for lunch and he produced a bucket of green-lipped mussels to supplement the packed lunch we had from the tour office, I was convinced that enjoying food together was a way for him to bond with us. It was regrettable that only two of us were enthusiastic about the mussels which appear to be an acquired taste. He was showed only a slight disappointment, as Nine’s do not want to dwell on feeling bad.

1. Jared was content with his life and not ambitious to leave Motueka as so many of the young people in this more remote area of New Zealand were. While Nine’s may enjoy daydreams of other places to live and ways to live, they prefer to find ways to make the most of what they have rather than go through the upheaval of change.

GRAEME

We believe that Graeme is another example of a Nine but not as healthy as Jared.

1. After getting over my disappointment that Graeme’s B&B was not the idyllic beach house I had imagined and my annoyance at being misled, I thought how typical of a Nine to invest in a property right on the road. He probably could go into his Nine withdrawal mode and tune out the noise of the traffic, seeing only that he had almost-beachfront property.

1. When Graeme welcomed us I knew immediately that something was wrong. His unkempt appearance—uncombed hair, faded shirt and shorts with dark socks that were losing their elastic—made me question whether the room would be really clean. Unhealthy Nine’s start becoming more withdrawn and less aware of their appearance. .

1. John helped me recognize that I had gone to Nine, my stress point, and was starting to shut down in order to cope with the situation. There is nothing so uncomfortable as being around people who are manifesting our own potential for unhealthy behavior. Those of you who know that I have a type Three personality might have suspected that Graeme was a Nine just because he DID give me the creeps.

1. When John told Graeme we would be leaving, he mumbled something about doing whatever you have to do to be comfortable (which is certainly what a Nine would consider), then walked out to the mailbox and left us to carry our luggage to the car. He returned, went into his office beside the front door, and closed the door, completely withdrawing from us as we left. When Nine’s are under stress and unhealthy, they continue to withdraw. He totally shut down from contact with us and did not acknowledge our departure.

When we left Graeme’s house, we returned to the iSite in Mt Maunganui and found the Wedge-Wood, a B&B near one of the golf courses. This stretch of beach is definitely a tourist area and there are several golf resorts. We had fun with our new hosts who followed the welcoming tradition of almost all the New Zealanders we met. We walked the beach, climbed Mt Maunganui, and had a farewell dinner on a floating restaurant in Tauranga. As we left we agreed that we could easily live in New Zealand, savoring its isolation from the problems of life in the Western world, but realizing that the South Pacific is just too far from home and the people we love. Like a far-away friend, I am glad to know that we can visit again someday.

I hope you have enjoyed meeting the people from New Zealand who helped us have a wonderful trip throughout their country. I also hope that in trying to determine their Enneagram types you have developed more confidence in your ability to assess type based on interactions with people. In my training with Don Riso and Russ Hudson we watched clips from movies and television to help us recognize type behavior. While in counseling or coaching situations I still always ask clients to complete an Enneagram questionnaire (either the RHETI or the TAS checklists), it is helpful to be able to recognize some initial clues to guide the process of their own type identification.

Best wishes in your own travels with the Enneagram!