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USING THE ENNEAGRAM IN COACHING AND COUNSELING © Belinda Gore, Ph.D., 2003 n the past two months we have been reviewing two key practices in the process of personal growth and spiritual development: the practice of Presence and the art of Letting Go. With those tools in place, we can undertake the more structured use of the Enneagram for finding liberation from the fixations of our personality type. This is a challenging process, one that is best supported with the help of a coach, counselor, or spiritual director, so these LifeStories reflect therapists’ work with individual clients, using the Enneagram to guide the process of change. The first step in working with the Enneagram in coaching or counseling is to accurately assess the client’s personality type. When my clients are not familiar with the Enneagram, I introduce it simply as a system for understanding patterns of behavior and ask if they would be willing to complete a questionnaire that will help me better understand them. My preference is the Riso-Hudson Enneagram Type Indicator, or the RHETI. A short self-scoring version is available at no charge on this web site; return to the home page and select “questionnaire” to access it. In counseling situations, however, I prefer using the longer version that has been scientifically validated. Copies of the RHETI are available from the Enneagram Institute of Central Ohio for $10; send an email to bgore@enneagram-ohio.com to place an order. Even though the RHETI has been validated, it is generally only as accurate as a person’s self-perception—and many of us don’t know ourselves as well as we might think we do. In many Enneagram workshops people who thought they knew their types have discovered they were wrong. The key factors that contribute to misperceptions are influences from parents (or parental figures), from spouses, or from employers or coworkers. In other words, we sometimes try to be what others want us to be and we can eventually lose sight of who we really are. Once a client has completed the questionnaire and scored it, we review the two or three types with the highest scores, reading the short paragraph describing each type on the back cover of the RHETI and discussing how accurately the description applies to the person. Sometimes we find that the scores are misleading, as in Michael’s story. MICHAEL DISCOVERS A NEW LAYER TO HIS PERSONALITY Michael came to counseling with a relationship issue and wanted to understand whether he and his wife could resolve their differences. His highest score on the RHETI indicated that he had a Type Eight personality, with Two being the next highest; in some cases, this might indicate an Eight who was very healthy and expressing characteristics of his point of integration, which is Two. Michael clearly was under a lot of stress and not functioning at a high level of health. How could I tell? Healthy people express Essential qualities-- like peace, joy, wisdom, strength, and compassion—on a regular basis. What I observed was that Michael seemed anxious, trying to present himself well but revealing many underlying worries. The anxiety was a tip-off to explore a Type Six personality. Using the checklists at the beginning of each chapter of The Wisdom of the Enneagram I read through the statements for both Type Eight and Type Six. He recognized himself as a Six and we clarified that his grandfather, who had been his key father figure, was probably an Eight. Michael had developed a self-image that reflected the characteristics of his grandfather whom he had admired so much. His grandmother had been a Two and had contributed her share of guidance about how to grow up to be a good man. Michael had asked his wife, Marie, to complete the questionnaire as though she were answering for him and she identified him as having a Type Seven personality. He could identify in himself many of the behaviors of a Seven—he was impulsive, he couldn’t tolerate being bored, and he liked to go out drinking and dancing several nights a week even though he was in his fifties. Nevertheless, his key issues focused on managing his anxieties, establishing a sense of security, and dealing with the myriad voices in his head giving him conflicting advice. It was important to him to know the rules, even if he rebelled against them. We agreed that he was a Type Six with a Seven wing. Exploring the characteristics of Type Six helped him understand that he resisted his feelings of dependency with his wife of thirty years and was trying to talk himself into being a tough, self-sufficient Eight. By understanding himself as a Six, he could focus on his strengths, including his natural talent for getting along with people that could help him survive a divorce if he and his wife were unable to resolve the problems in their marriage. LAURA USES PRESENCE TO MOVE UP THE LEVELS OF DEVELOPMENT Laura has been my client off and on for many years. We are certain that she has a Type Two personality with a One wing, although initially I thought she was a Four. Since she had many personal problems when she first came to therapy, she was functioning in her point of disintegration, or her stress point, which for a Two is type Four. This is a problem that many coaches and counselors have in determining a new client’s Enneagram type. Since people come to us in distress, we observe in them stress behavior which does not accurately represent their core behavioral patterns. From experience I have learned to always consider the point of disintegration in typing new clients. Recently Laura has been developing the practice of Presence, learning to simply become aware of her emotional state and to quietly accept whatever condition she finds herself in. Rather than fighting an undesirable feeling or experience, she is able to allow herself to be however she is. Through this practice she is able to identify the rising of what Eckhart Tolle calls the pain body, the emotional leftovers of our own lives and of our culture as well. Rather than becoming embroiled with struggling with the pain body, by seeing it for what it is, we can allow it to run its course and thereby dispel some of the negative emotional energy that triggers our reactive states. Presence is what allows us to move up from one level of development to the next higher level. By being able to observe ourselves in the midst of our behavior we are no longer identified with the behavior; for example, if I can see myself struggling to be the best, I can recognize that the struggle is not the Essential ME and can relax. Just when Laura seemed to integrating her life at a higher level of health, she discovered a serious medical problem that would require surgery. The anxiety of anticipating the possible consequences of both the surgery and the disease sent her spiraling down the levels. We worked with her practice of Presence, identifying that she was afraid and locating the fear in her body to help her be clearly in the moment. By talking to the fear in her body she learned that she was hoping someone would rescue her from her fear. Her perceived need was to be rescued; it was not a selfish need, as Two’s often fear, but an unrealistic one. No one could rescue her from her fear. By accepting that she could only accept the fear, allow it as a natural response, she found that the fear became lighter. It didn’t go away but it was tolerable. JOANNE GUIDES THE PROCESS OF CHANGE The Enneagram clinical study groups are designed to give therapists an opportunity to explore the nine Enneagram personality types in depth, using the knowledge to work with their clients. Joanne has been a member of a study group for some months and brought up a difficult long-term client. From Joanne’s descriptions and from the client’s RHETI scores, it seems that her client—let’s call her Margaret-- is a Four. Joanne, however, is a Six and made the common mistake of approaching Margaret as though she, too, were a Six. As the group listened to Joanne discussing the problems she was encountering in the therapy process, we recognized that she was asking Margaret too many informational questions. Sixes like to find out as much information as possible but that can seem distancing to a Four, who wants to talk about her feelings. Joanne had also been mistaking Margaret’s dramatic depression as anxiety and has been trying to reassure her; Four’s don’t want reassurance, they want attention and to know that they are being seen and heard. Once Joanne realized that she was treating Margaret like a Six, she was able to restructure her thinking about the therapy. An important goal for every Four is to get out of her fantasies and into the real world, learning to act on her creative impulses. The passion of Four is envy and Four’s always need help recognizing that they have NOT suffered more than other people and are not separate and unique in their problems even though their problems are important. Under stress Four’s begin to resemble average to unhealthy Two’s and can become painfully codependent, using other people’s needs as an excuse not to act. Four’s feel genuinely depressed and have difficulty building up the necessary energy to take positive steps in their lives, so goals need to be broken down into manageable baby steps. Joanne, like others who have worked with clients for many years, knows that when it comes to coaching and counseling, one size does NOT fit all. Because of the significantly differing needs of people, it is incredibly valuable to understand the primary issues around which each of the nine personality types are developed. With this knowledge we can move beyond the perspective of our own personality needs and we can recognize that one single theoretical orientation will never meet the needs of everyone. In some cases, the best we can do may be to realize that a person’s issues are beyond the scope of our experience and training, and refer that person to someone more appropriate. Always we can appreciate that everyone has core wounds and that unhealthy behavior is the personality’s best attempt to survive in challenging or traumatic situations. With that understanding we can be compassionate towards ourselves as well as the people who come to us for help. |
| ©2002 Enneagram Institute of Central Ohio | |
