How can self awareness be an antidote to stress? The problems we generally associate with stress are due to chronic tension that never seems to get fully relieved. Lifestyle contributes to the buildup of tension with a tendency to cram too many activities into any given amount of time and developing a heightened sense of urgency about issues that in the final analysis are not really that important. In addition, the personality has an embedded tendency to maintain ego tension. Ego tension is built on the personality’s inherent striving to avoid fears and fulfill desires. The Enneagram unveils the specific fears and attending desires that characterize each of the nine personality types. With an understanding of your own pattern of fears that can be triggered by the events of everyday life, you can begin to build a positive pattern of self-talk to help discharge and relieve the chronic tension these fears promote.

Lou is a 55-year-old businessman who discovered that he has a Type Eight personality, also known as The Challenger. He easily recognizes that he likes to be in charge of situations, knowing that he can rely upon himself to follow through to get the job done. In his construction business he prefers to work with people who acknowledge his role as the person in charge and who will deal with him in a straightforward manner. If his workers do an honest day’s work and do not try to manipulate him with what he calls “fancy talk,” he is happy to pay them a good wage. His attitude toward stress used to be, “Whatever comes up, I’ll deal with it” and he prided himself on never backing down. However, that was before he had triple bypass surgery on his heart.

Lou came to therapy at his cardiologist’s recommendation. He was angry, believing that his body had betrayed him. It was hard for him at first to accept that he might need to learn another approach to managing his stress. When I first introduced him to the Enneagram, he was willing to take the questionnaire because he liked the idea of knowing as much about himself as I seemed to know. The description of an Eight actually pleased him because at the healthy levels it seemed to identify the characteristics about himself that he was proud of. He resisted the idea of a basic fear, protesting that he was not afraid of anything. We talked for a while about how everyone has a basic fear, based upon what is usually an unconscious perception about how to survive in the world. For type Eight, the basic fear is of being controlled by others. Lou could identify many situations in his life in which he had taken control in order to avoid being controlled.

The difference between recognizing patterns of behavior and experiencing the basic fear of one’s type is the difference between reviewing memories of past events and experiencing the emotion in the present moment. Our personalities are pretty sophisticated in the use of defense mechanisms that keep us from feeling the depth of that basic fear. When I could pose the task as a challenge to discover how courageous he could really be, Lou was willing to explore feeling vulnerable. He discovered that he had been unwilling to practice the relaxation techniques he was taught in the hospital because they made him feel weak. Relaxation had always meant competitive sports or gambling, not guided imagery.

Lou discovered that his inner life was governed by a tyrannical inner voice that kept him always on alert, never permitting him to be peaceful inside. As he began to recognize the appearance of that voice and could actually joke about the tyrant, he found it easier to create a healthier lifestyle. By confronting the inner tyrant, he learned that strength could mean the wisdom to surrender to the needs of his body and his soul.

No one would really describe Linda as a procrastinator. She maintains a more-than-full-time corporate job as well as working five hours a week organizing the office of a small non-profit organization. Her husband and family get her attention when she is at home, and she tries to maintain her relationships with her sister and several friends. Her procrastination comes into play when we begin to address her frustrations with always feeling overworked. She puts off self-care.

Linda has a problem with being overweight and knows that she eats to manage stress. Even though she berates herself afterwards, grabbing a hamburger and fries in the drive-through is all she says she has time for. She joined the YWCA in hopes of exercising in the morning before work but could not make herself go to bed early enough to wake up at 6:00 a.m. While she sometimes treats herself to buying supplies for the art projects that give her great creative satisfaction, she rarely finds time to use them.

Because she is so energetic and well-organized, we were initially surprised to discover that Linda has a type Four personality, known as The Individualist in the Enneagram system. Her presenting problems did not seem to match the stereotype of the sensitive or melancholy Four. Remember, however, that under stress we often move into the behaviors of our point of disintegration, sometimes called the stress point. People with type Four personalities move into typical Two behavior, co-dependently “giving themselves away” to other people while neglecting their own needs. Even though Linda flinched when she heard the term co-dependent, she had to admit that the description fit her exactly.

As Linda awakened to her pattern of putting off self-care as an indicator of stress, she could more consciously put into action simple plans for adding exercise to her day and eliminating her tendency to volunteer for more work. In her case, a little more self-absorption was an improvement. Labeling her behavior as procrastination could remind her to review her life priorities and make sure she was “putting first things first,” to quote a familiar phrase coined by Stephen Covey.

The Enneagram is a wonderful tool for helping us recognize when we have slipped into unconscious attempts at stress management because our typical behavior changes in predictable ways. Learning about your own stress point can give you clues to those times when stress is overtaking you. At that point you can return to basic stress management skills to get back to enjoying the challenges life offers.